Last week a [really super-gorgeous] woman made a poignant and beautifully worded blog post about a shitty message that she received from a Tinder date. The man outlined that, although he found her to be a truly wonderful person–funny, charming, smart, witty, etc, all the things that we strive to be–and was undeniably attracted to her because she was kind of the perfect match… she was too fat for him. No, I’m serious, that’s what he told her. Not in quite so many words, but that’s the gist of it. Because she wasn’t thinner, he didn’t think that, when it came down to brass tax in the bedroom, he would be able to manage an erection.
Now, part two of this situation: Some guy on the UK version of DailyMail posted a piece about how it was hypocritical for her to shame this guy for having preferences on physical appearance when women do it, too. This is why I’m angry. This is entirely why I’m angry this evening.
This guy completely and entirely missed the point of this woman’s blog post. Either that, or he is completely disregarding her message in order to make his own point, which, on its own merit, away from this particular allegory, might be actually valid. (Okay, it’s fairly valid as a separate point, but his argument in and of itself isn’t on the chopping block here, it’s the fact that he mansplained her post, and didn’t even do it right.
It’s not about how pretty she is, or whether or not it’s okay to have preferences about physical appearance. Because she is totally fine with him having preferences. It’s human nature. We all have them. She’s even fine with him preferring thin women. What she did was call him out for sending her a shitty ass email that completely wrecked her self-esteem for a few minutes until she could get herself back in line. It has absolutely nothing to do with shaming his preferences, and all about the fact that he was a total dickwad about it. Nobody cares that each and every individual has feature types that they prefer, or features that they dislike, or whatever, because that’s how attraction works. That’s how humanity works. If we all liked the same thing we’d look like androids or something. I dunno, but it would make the world significantly less diverse and beautiful than it is now. I digress.
This guy is fucking butthurt about the fact that she called out some dude for his shitty email and decided that what she meant was that dudes can’t have physical preferences that don’t include her. That isn’t what she was saying at all, and that’s why it’s so fucking annoying to read that post because it’s all a bunch of bullshit, irrelevant mansplaining and it’s really, really beyond aggravating. It goes beyond annoying all the way into infuriating, as a matter of fact.
Because yeah, culturally, there are still a lot of equality-type imbalances regarding what’s okay for women versus men. And they’re just as annoying and heartbreaking or saddening for us (women) as it is for them (men). It’s just… really unfortunate. But what’s more unfortunate is when people like this guy on DailyMail completely derail the discourse by misconstruing somebody’s argument or story with “BUT WOMEN DO IT TOO!!!” or “BUT NOT ALL OF US!!” Because yes, we know it’s not all of you, and yes, we know that we’re not perfect. We arent asking you to think we’re perfect. We’re asking you to listen to us and actually hear what we’re trying to say, and to respect us as non-sexual objects.