Posted in Daily Post

Daily Prompt: If You Leave


Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose? http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/12/daily-prompt-if-you-leave/

At this stage in my life, there are many things which I debate leaving on a daily basis. As a junior in college, I am faced with the constant threat of “What comes next?” and I say that it’s a threat and not a question because, in this economy, it’s a scary thought. College is a guarantee for me: Classes and tests and papers and reading–it’s constant and reassuring that what I’m doing isn’t going to vanish. But that doesn’t mean that I’m completely happy with it.

As a matter of fact, I decided, just this weekend, to drop half of my education path. I decided that I wanted to be an English and Comm Sciences/Disorders double major with two minors, but this would have added at least one full year to my undergraduate career. About to complete my third year, this was such a tiring notion that I decided against it, and just went back to English and Linguistics, which will allow me to graduate at the end of next year. This, of course, means that I am faced with this “What Next” threat much earlier than I otherwise might have been, but it significantly decreases the amount of debt in which I am bound to find myself.

But that’s not all in my life that’s come to a crossroads lately. Just days ago, it was brought to my attention that my boyfriend of less than a year has lied to me about something dreadfully important since the day that we met. It was such a flawless lie that I believed it without error, and all of the stories matched up. It made sense to me. But not a single word of it was true. Not even one. Most people would have dumped him angrily–and I admit that I probably should have done so–but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I’m so in love with this man that extricating him from my life would be nigh impossible, and I don’t know that there’s a single other soul in this world who could cope with me as well as he does. Our relationship is far from perfect. He’s a pain in the ass to get out of bed in the morning–and that’s putting it nicely–and he can be stubborn as all holy hell. But he’s mine. And the thought of carrying on without him hurt worse than the idea that my trust was broken. Things will never be the same for us, but we made the decision to carry forward, and frankly, the decision was mine to make. I have moments where I’m uncertain; the trust has been broken and it will take a very long time to thoroughly rebuild it.

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Author:

I am a Writing and Publishing graduate student at Emerson College. I studied English and Linguistics in my undergraduate career, as well as a little bit of philosophy and four other languages (somewhat superficially). I am interested in language and how we use it culturally, as well as a vast collection of current sociopolitical issues, including race, sex, and gender, and the ways that those issues intersect each other.

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